Perhaps you’ve thought I wish I had more cats in my Postgres database before. We certainly have. Just the other day we were lamenting some of the differences between MySQL and PostgreSQL, particularly the way that MySQL has case-insensitive matching using the LIKE operator, while Postgres has LIKE and ILIKE. This got us thinking, it’d be amusing to have more vague (and hilariously unwieldy) operators, such as: SELECT * FROM foo WHERE a VAGUELY RESEMBLES b; Something like this isn’t too implausible. It’s similar to what a full-text search entails, but it’s far from trivial. This got us thinking: if we can’t easily do that, can we at least have some amusing query syntax? Yes we can!